Post by rat on May 26, 2011 22:43:34 GMT -5
Hi guys. I wanted to get this out there, but I didn't want to go to facebook, because it's a bit too personal for that.
Forever now, I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I've always been sure that I had a mental disorder. I am introverted, I blank in situations when I need to make small talk, I have no motivation to succeed, I am totally disorganized, I inadvertently tune out before the person I'm listening to finishes his sentence, I can't be interested enough in a book to finish it, I have debilitating headaches at least twice a week, I forget to do homework, I downright ignore homework when it's too tedious, I forget important dates, I'm very submissive, I simply allow crippling consequences happen to me, I play video games, write music, write computer programs, and write stories all the time to help ignore my problems, all my teachers think I'm far more bright than what my grades suggest, and I'm too afraid to ask anyone for help.
I've failed seven classes during my three years at college. I really wanted to get help when I was beginning to fail the first one. Hell, I DID go to get help even when I was just getting a C in one class during my senior year of high school. Even so, it's only gotten worse.
Recent evaluations of my life have led me to believe that I have a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder Without Hyperactivity. I've already taken a diagnostic test at the psychiatric center back in 2008, which made the doctors pretty sure that I did indeed have ADD. They did the least helpful thing and put me on Adderal, which certainly had effects, but did not at all enhance my ability to perform.
So three years went by, and I was kind've assuming that my mom understood what was going on, and I was going to be OK. She must have thought I was fine, because when I told her I wanted a screening test, her jaw dropped. I don't really need to tell you guys she's a holy roller, so she doesn't believe in mental disorders. She just wants to blame me. She pretty much considers mental disorders "witchcraft."
Anyway, I scheduled my test for June 13th. If I'm confirmed, all of my failed classes will be revoked and will not effect my GPA. I'll also be granted twice the alloted time to take any tests. This would be extraordinary for me, because I did extremely well in the classes that I didn't fail. My GPA would be well over 3.4. It would also explain why I'm so child-like, why I fear responsibility as I would a hot iron, why I am incapable of processing a conversation, and a shit ton more.
My mom says that she would be ashamed if she were me. I think that's ridiculous. It's perfectly cool with me. Having a disorder isn't a bad thing; it's a variation. I'm honored to be different. "ADD" is just a classification for someone who is extremely curious, creative, comedic, and best of all, a little crazy.
Forever now, I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I've always been sure that I had a mental disorder. I am introverted, I blank in situations when I need to make small talk, I have no motivation to succeed, I am totally disorganized, I inadvertently tune out before the person I'm listening to finishes his sentence, I can't be interested enough in a book to finish it, I have debilitating headaches at least twice a week, I forget to do homework, I downright ignore homework when it's too tedious, I forget important dates, I'm very submissive, I simply allow crippling consequences happen to me, I play video games, write music, write computer programs, and write stories all the time to help ignore my problems, all my teachers think I'm far more bright than what my grades suggest, and I'm too afraid to ask anyone for help.
I've failed seven classes during my three years at college. I really wanted to get help when I was beginning to fail the first one. Hell, I DID go to get help even when I was just getting a C in one class during my senior year of high school. Even so, it's only gotten worse.
Recent evaluations of my life have led me to believe that I have a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder Without Hyperactivity. I've already taken a diagnostic test at the psychiatric center back in 2008, which made the doctors pretty sure that I did indeed have ADD. They did the least helpful thing and put me on Adderal, which certainly had effects, but did not at all enhance my ability to perform.
So three years went by, and I was kind've assuming that my mom understood what was going on, and I was going to be OK. She must have thought I was fine, because when I told her I wanted a screening test, her jaw dropped. I don't really need to tell you guys she's a holy roller, so she doesn't believe in mental disorders. She just wants to blame me. She pretty much considers mental disorders "witchcraft."
Anyway, I scheduled my test for June 13th. If I'm confirmed, all of my failed classes will be revoked and will not effect my GPA. I'll also be granted twice the alloted time to take any tests. This would be extraordinary for me, because I did extremely well in the classes that I didn't fail. My GPA would be well over 3.4. It would also explain why I'm so child-like, why I fear responsibility as I would a hot iron, why I am incapable of processing a conversation, and a shit ton more.
My mom says that she would be ashamed if she were me. I think that's ridiculous. It's perfectly cool with me. Having a disorder isn't a bad thing; it's a variation. I'm honored to be different. "ADD" is just a classification for someone who is extremely curious, creative, comedic, and best of all, a little crazy.