Post by Disco_Lemonade on Oct 17, 2006 22:10:28 GMT -5
Seth Bean Facts
Seth Bean once cried. Scientists tested his tears and found they had a sperm count of 100,000.
Seth Bean was born "Naeb Htes", but he disliked the name so to correct the problem, he ran fast enough around the planet to reverse its axial rotation.
Seth Bean lost his virginity before his dad did.
Seth Bean once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she invented three new branches of mathematics, discovered the first half of the true name of god and now only needs two and half hours of sleep a week. She can also now cook a damn good English breakfast, and never breaks an eggs yolk.
Seth Bean tickled a baby once. Its diaper exploded.
Seth Bean once saved a burning bus full of orphans by using his 19 inch rock hard penis as the Jaws of Life.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs Seth Bean and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Seth Bean sleeps with a night light. Not because Seth Bean is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Seth Bean
Seth Beans tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Superman owns a pair of Seth Beanpajamas.
Seth Bean does not sleep. He waits.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Seth Bean
It is impossible to be raped by Seth Bean because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
Seth Bean doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Seth Bean is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Seth Bean can speak Braille.
Seth Bean doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies there is a chance of failure. Seth Bean goes Killing.
When Seth Bean exercises, the machine gets stronger.
One time in an airport a guy accidentally called Seth Bean "Zach Bean". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Seth accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a baby with blonde hair and blue eyes and the ability to crush cars. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
Seth Bean doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Seth Bean s psychiatrist sees a psychiatrist.
When Seth Bean was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Seth Bean !" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Seth Bean during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
If you turn off the lights, look in the mirror, and say “Seth Bean " three times, he will come out of the mirror and kick your ass.
When Seth Bean does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Seth Bean was walking down the street and got an erection. There were no survivors.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Seth Bean and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Seth Bean invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of Visible light. Except pink. Andrew Johnston invented pink.
Seth Bean hates playing ‘Rock Paper Scissors’ because he doesn’t believe Anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone Throws paper, he says,” I win.” If someone is foolish enough to dispute This, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then Says, “I thought your paper would protect you.”
Seth Bean once cried. Scientists tested his tears and found they had a sperm count of 100,000.
Seth Bean was born "Naeb Htes", but he disliked the name so to correct the problem, he ran fast enough around the planet to reverse its axial rotation.
Seth Bean lost his virginity before his dad did.
Seth Bean once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she invented three new branches of mathematics, discovered the first half of the true name of god and now only needs two and half hours of sleep a week. She can also now cook a damn good English breakfast, and never breaks an eggs yolk.
Seth Bean tickled a baby once. Its diaper exploded.
Seth Bean once saved a burning bus full of orphans by using his 19 inch rock hard penis as the Jaws of Life.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs Seth Bean and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Seth Bean sleeps with a night light. Not because Seth Bean is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Seth Bean
Seth Beans tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Superman owns a pair of Seth Beanpajamas.
Seth Bean does not sleep. He waits.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Seth Bean
It is impossible to be raped by Seth Bean because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
Seth Bean doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Seth Bean is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Seth Bean can speak Braille.
Seth Bean doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies there is a chance of failure. Seth Bean goes Killing.
When Seth Bean exercises, the machine gets stronger.
One time in an airport a guy accidentally called Seth Bean "Zach Bean". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Seth accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a baby with blonde hair and blue eyes and the ability to crush cars. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
Seth Bean doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Seth Bean s psychiatrist sees a psychiatrist.
When Seth Bean was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Seth Bean !" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Seth Bean during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
If you turn off the lights, look in the mirror, and say “Seth Bean " three times, he will come out of the mirror and kick your ass.
When Seth Bean does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Seth Bean was walking down the street and got an erection. There were no survivors.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Seth Bean and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Seth Bean invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of Visible light. Except pink. Andrew Johnston invented pink.
Seth Bean hates playing ‘Rock Paper Scissors’ because he doesn’t believe Anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone Throws paper, he says,” I win.” If someone is foolish enough to dispute This, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then Says, “I thought your paper would protect you.”